I Had a Harper's Subscription

Then they found out my parents were married:

Should one candidate win, those who opposed the Iraq war might hope to find refuge in France, where a very select few are allowed to “assimilate” each year. Assimilation is reserved for persons of non-French descent who are able to prove that they are more French than American, having mastered the language as well as the philosophy of the French way of life. Each case is determined on its own merit, and decisions are made by the Ministère de l’Emploi, du Travail, et de la Cohésion Social. When your name is published in the Journal Officiel de la République Français, you are officially a citizen, and may thereafter heckle the United States with authentic Gallic zeal.

Mm, yes, hilarious.

It's "A reader’s guide to expatriating on November 3."

Harper's does provide a valuable service, I think, putting in a very small space everything you hate about the rich, educated, and supposedly well-meaning.